Ever since the attacks of September 11th, 2001, “fear” has been a popular buzzword in American mainstream media. Newscasters and politicians generally use the word in relation to terrorism or violence; e.g., “we must not fear the enemy.” I’d like to focus on another enemy, one which causes more pain, destruction and fear than we’d like to think about. Our biggest enemy is not and never will be terrorism — our biggest enemy is the human mind.

Let’s define fear right here at the beginning. Paranoia. Distrust. “The terrorists are out to get us!” Obviously, that’s fear. Dread? Apprehension? Timidity? Those words are generally used in different contexts, but they’re basically synonyms of the same. Fear is a unique emotion, one which can interfere not only with other emotions (such as love), but also with rational thought — even in the most “thought-oriented” people. Take a moment to consider the areas of your life in which you feel held back. What situations are you avoiding? What thoughts don’t you want to think? What actions are you afraid to take (or not to take)? Look at these examples to get you started:

• Choosing a college or other school
• Confronting a friend or co-worker
• Publishing a controversial opinion or research article
• Switching jobs/careers
• Starting a business
• Entering or leaving a serious relationship
• Letting go of the past
• Questioning deep-seated beliefs (religious or otherwise)
• Standing up for beliefs (religious or otherwise)
• Delivering a speech or presentation

You could think of numerous scenarios, some more significant than others. You might even consider something as basic as shyness; anything which brings an emotional hesitation to your mind will work.

Are you uncomfortable yet? Do you feel trapped or restricted in some way? Fear does exactly that; it holds us back, sometimes with such force that we don’t even realize the extent to which we’re limiting ourselves. (This is not unlike the current situation in the United States, given the erosion of social freedom in response to a perceived terrorism threat.) But it gets worse. All examples that you or I could come up with — jobs, relationships, beliefs — are a part of life. Fear holds us back not only from [insert specific example here], but from life itself. “Living in fear” is an oxymoron. If we fear life itself, it’s not that we’re living in fear… we aren’t living at all.

You may be a certain age, but how many years have you lived? Confront the situations which have been bothering you and live your life the way it was meant to be lived — fearlessly.

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A couple of weeks ago, I combed through the Don’tASQ archives, removing several old testing and other “junk” posts. (Which posts? It doesn’t matter — you never read them. ) That’s when I came across this unfinished series titled “Making the Change”. It was supposed to be a five-part series; I’d written three of them before I decided that I could no longer continue. My heart simply wasn’t in it, and the quality of my writing was starting to deteriorate — something that I refuse to allow in anything I publish. In short, I failed. I’d set the expectation that I would deliver a product to my readers, but that product ended up only 60% completed. Where I come from, that’s a D-.

But I didn’t delete these posts. I didn’t try to cover up my mistakes, didn’t attempt to sweep them under the rug and hope Google didn’t cache them. Why not? Because I believe in honesty and genuineness. The Internet is a medium which tends to make us believe (falsely) that we can retract our words effortlessly and without consequence. If Blurblog posts were handwritten letters, would we be able to undeliver them? If they were spoken words, could we take them back?

By admitting our failures — regardless of their nature — and letting go of the past, we encourage mutual trust and free ourselves to focus on doing better next time. As far as Making the Change… if even one person is helped by my unfinished series, then I don’t consider it a failure at all.

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. If it doesn’t… it never was.

I cannot tell a lie — I hate that quote. (more…)