A Kind Word a Day Keeps the Violence Away
Imagine (if necessary) that you’re a student at a major four-year university. You roll out of bed at 8:45am on a typical Monday morning, pick up some mismatched articles of clothing from the floor and throw them on before leaving your dorm. As you walk at a faster-than-normal pace toward your 9:00am class on the opposite side of campus, you briefly stop to chat with a couple of your friends. You leave them alone after finding out that they haven’t slept in two nights - apparently, they have a killer Bio exam tomorrow. You continue on, grumbling about the reminder that you’ve got your own exam to study for. You wistfully wave to acquaintances as you space out, wondering who the professor will embarrass today… oops! (You duck behind a tree to avoid being spotted by your ex.)
A few minutes later, you spot another acquaintance, one you’ve barely ever spoken with. He’s always seemed a bit withdrawn, and exhibits some of the symptoms of one of those antisocial disorders you remember studying in Psychology. You almost pass by without acknowledging him, just like everyone else usually does. But then, something inexplicably changes your mind. You turn toward him, smile, give a brief greeting, and ask how his weekend went. He appears startled, but you listen intently as he tells you about his grand adventures in… World of Warcraft. “Sounds… interesting?” you say, but he actually doesn’t seem to feel the same way. You tell him about a choir concert that you’ll be in this weekend, and suggest that he go - just for something to do, since it’s free for students. And for the first time ever, you see him smile. You part ways and sprint toward your class (which has already started).
If you happened to be a student at Virginia Tech, you may have just saved 33 lives.
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!” We all heard that line as kids. Unfortunately, it’s the second biggest lie that’s ever been told. (The biggest one, if you’re curious, has to do with a certain “War on Terrorism”…) Words do hurt, and they can cause people to do unimaginably horrible things - but the good news is that words can also cause people to do unimaginably fantastic things.
The shooter at Virginia Tech was a 23-year-old Korean student, a permanent resident by the name of Cho Seung-hui. He was described as a “loner”, and was actually referred to a school counselor at least once. Seung-hui was not a typical “work hard, play hard” college student. He was not heavily involved in campus activities, he was not a star athlete, and he had very few friends, if any at all. The most violent people in American society are not your small-time burglars, your drug addicts or your drunken frat boys. The most violent people in American society are those whom everyone else has forgotten. They’re the ones we’ve left out, be it intentionally or not. They are the people who hide in the shadows, observing everything else going on around them - and despising it.
Fortunately, these folks do have to come into the light sometime, and it’s our job to make sure that they don’t regret doing so. Please, for the sake of… well, everyone, never hesitate to speak a few kind words to these social “outcasts”. You probably don’t even have to go out of your way - if you’ve put a smile on their face, you’ve succeeded. And that smile may be the difference between life and death.
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I was thinking about the words I use to categorize poeple when I think of them. I am an American living in the Philippines. It is wonderful and different and perplexing to live outside of the culture in which I was raised.
One of the differences is when I am addressed by even taxi drivers it is as, “my friend” and the polarity response from me can be to question how some one who does not know me can call me friend.
I found myself in traffic the other day and heard myself mentally say to another driver, “go ahead my friend.” This phrase gave me a different mental outlook than if I had used a more disdainful label for the driver in my self talk.
I enjoy thinking of people as friends. It is a lesson I learned from my friends in the Philippines.
Have a nice day my friend!
Gene